HARK, YE CLOWNS OF LOW STATUS!
Revue: Big D's CALL IT CHARACTER (DON'T CALL IT CLOWN) clowning workshop (Boston, Dec. 15, 2025)
And so it came to pass that the writer found hirself in a room full of other lesbians,1 former lesbians, and generally lesbian-esque individuals. We were gathered in the Black Box theater at the Rockwell to Clown. Our Clown in Chief was one Big D, made lesbian-famous by King of Drag, the first-ever drag king competition show airing exclusively with ads on Revry TV with a prize one-twenty-fifth that of RuPaul’s Drag Race. She dressed atrociously clownishly, in iridescent gold leggings and a flannel made up of two different flannels cut down the center and stitched back together in Barney purple and green.
Big D was the second runner-up, the eldest cast member on King of Drag. The two winners were conventionally hot2 yung pelvic-thrust lip-sync-in-the-clerb type kings—Dick von Dyke and King Molasses. So Big D is kind of a dark horse, but truly proves himself as of America’s royal dudes. He is eminently lovable, with his enormous, limpid, poignant blue eyes. Some of his alter egos include Butt Kapinski, Peanut Butter the rock ‘n’ roll werewolf, Ziggy Cupid Mellencamp, Captain Afab (a personal favorite), and Dr. Melvin Schmuckler.
Out of drag, he is Deanna Fleysher, a teacher3.
We began in the proffered pronoun circle—“Is Boston the Drag King center of the world?” a bemused Big D asked, stealing my next feature article pitch.4 At $164, the four-hour clowning workshop held on a Monday night was clearly way too expensive for any of us in the room to afford (performance artists are the worst-paid artist by medium). Yet there we all were, peacocking according to what I would later come to find out is our clown status level. What I initially identified was—I could not rely on my charming silly butch dyke rizz because, well, I wasn’t unique. In the name & ‘noun circle at the beginning (any/all, & I wasn’t alone) most had names like “Greyhound” or “Aphrodykie” (shoutout to those two, who were hilarious & very talented high-status clowns). Rose was quaint (I didn’t go for my actual man-name, Roge, because that’s personal, damn it, plus no one pronounces it right).
I told them I was a writer hoping to conquer my stage fright (true) to hopefully do more poetry/fiction readings (less true—I never hope to do readings, but if it comes to that, I do feel significantly better about it now).
Overall Rating: 420/69 honk-honks.
Here are the top 3 tips I learned that might be helpful to you Substackeurs of similar non-performeur profiles
1. Flow it Out
My seven years of yoga came in surprisingly handy; obviously yoga is good for all things and everyone should have a somatic/spiritual movement practice for every aspect of their life (my opinion). To warm up, we did mucho diaphramic breathing, plus some forward folds and rolling up vertebrae-by-vertabrae. We had been warned to arrive in workout clothes (a warning that came 3 hours after I left for work, sadly), and we did indeed get down and dirty.
D — “If you think you’re breathing too much, breathe more.”
Don’t cross your arms in front of your body—it “closes the circle” between yourself and the audience/other performers. Keep your extremities loose.
To get rid of stage fright, exhaust yourself first. I did planks, burpees, and high knees. The theory is when your heart is pumping fast enough, you don’t feel the fear.
Practice tilting right to the point where you’re about to fall—challenge your balance. Stand on one foot, go forward and backwards. It evokes a silly-goofy mood and makes you appear looser.
2. Mean mug
“Don’t smile before the audience does.”
“Don’t smile unless you break (unless it’s authentic and you can’t help it).”
These points were contrary to my preconceptions. I have severe resting angry-cunt face (one fellow workshoppee read it as disgusted) so I’ve always tried to contort it into a happier visage. Yet perhaps I am just a tortured Low Status clown, and that’s okay.
3. Seeing Seeing
Loosen your jaw to the point where your mouth hangs slightly open. “This will give you the look of a baby, which humans are hardwired to find appealing.”
Make direct eye contact with audience members.
Big eyes. Try to look “searching” and poignant. Show feeling in your face.
Listen to Tom Waits (Phil Collins or Nick Drake might also suffice).
We stood in a circle. Big D vetted our yogic, “seeing seeing” stances.” Then we walked around to Tom Waits’ “Downtown Train” trying to see the others seeing us one by one. It was very Jungian. Profound. Genuinely one of the most helpful theater exercises I’ve done; I think this alone cured me.
4. High Status vs. Low. Status Clowns
A High Status Clown might have clown clout (Big D would be a High Status Clown for this reason alone), but that isn’t all there is to it.
Apparently, I Ruvealed my Low Clown Status immediately when I let slide my non-performeur status in the pronoun circle. Then I did a High Status Clown Move—pelvic thrust—at one point, and the crowd loved me even more for it (sayeth Big D).
A High Status clown is a “type A” clown. This clown would ensure their wig was glued down, their whoopee cushion inflated. This clown would choreograph the clownography and get frustrated if other clowns didn’t hit their clown blocking.
The High Status clown might not know they’re a high status clown. After all, they’re clowning, so they’re probably trying to loosen up. They might want to be a Low Status Clown, but they ultimately have to embrace their High Status Clown nature to achieve xeir Apex Clowndom.
A Low Status clown always strives to be a High Status Clown. Paradoxically, xe must also accept that xe will never be a High Status Clown. Part of xeir comedy is this (thwarted) effort to be a ringleader.
A Low Status clown might get attention, but they do so by throwing off the pre-existing clown routines. This will annoy the High Status Clowns, which is also funny.
In a group of clowns, playing with Clown Status is the way to get laughs. One example from the workshop was, two High Status clowns set up a stage for a Low Status Clown to pop the central pose in the tableau. Rather than pose, the Low Status Clown walked to the far left corner and formed an extra outer frame. Hilarious.
Presumably, this says a lot about our society today.
simpler to assume these days that they’re not, yet I did feel at home. There were a few trans men, and the wonderful thing was I wasn’t sure any of the men in the room were cis. As we all know, it’s statistically more likely to assume these days that lesbian-appearing people are not lesbians. Big D himself is not a lesbian, despite being a drag king. He has a husband.
lesbian-wise
performer/comedian too, obviously, but I’m biased as a teacher myself.
The answer is probably yes, because one Jayden Jamison has fathered innumerable—“too many,” according to one king present—sons. The kings there proudly proclaimed their non-affiliation with Jamison, having cooler and less easily-accessible father figures.